Memories

Last year about 3 pm in the afternoon, I got a phone call that said Hadlei had taken a turn for the worst and we needed to pray RIGHT NOW. 

I've never had a phone call for prayer that urgent.

 I was napping with June and Michael was playing with Sara in the living room. 

I didn't even get him. I just got on my knees right there beside the bed and started praying.

 I had no idea what was wrong, just that it was bad.

30 minutes later, we received a second phone call that said Hadlei had went home to be with Jesus.

 I literally laid on my floor and bawled my eyes out. 

I thought to myself, life is NOT fair. 

I don't think I have ever said this on here, and I've said it to one person in real life --

 but I felt like I had never expected June to live.

 I had always made myself think about what I would do to cope if she didn't come home with us.

 But my cousin Britni -- she never did that. There was never any other option. 

Hadlei WAS coming home and that was that. 

Looking back, I guess it was a coping mechanism for her.

 I couldn't understand why God took Hadlei when her mama (I felt like) was not prepared for her to go.

 I felt like I was prepared. 

But now.....now, I know I was not prepared. 

There is no way I could have dealt with the loss of my daughter more gracefully than Britni

 has dealt with Hadlei.

Today, I'm trying really hard not to grieve. I'm trying not to feel sad for Britni. 

I'm trying to remember where Hadlei is. 

She's where we want to go! 

She's safe in the arms of Jesus and she is so happy and healthy and she will never struggle with breathing again, or with her heart or with any other situation she would have faced.

 I'm trying to praise God because HADLEI is the LUCKY one.