Friday, September 21, 2012

let me tell you about love

When I got married, I thought I knew what love was.
I said, "I don't know how I can love you any more than I do right now."
When we celebrated our first anniversary, alone in England, I said
"How on earth do I love you more now than I did back then?"
When Sara, and then June Claire, joined our family
I said, "I never knew love until this very moment."
But over the past 10 months, I have truly come to know love in an entirely different degree.
Love is...
- being told your sister has leukemia over the phone while you're making a flying trip home to be with her and holding it together so your niece won't worry about her aunt.
- begging the doctors togive your daughter your kidney because hers have failed.
And then, when they say she won't make it through the surgery, you forget about "taking it like a man" and fall apart like the scared daddy you are because your child is dying.
- coming into your daughters room and singing,"You Are My Sunshine" because that was her favorite song as a child and not even caring that she's 26, can barely open her eyes, can't speak and you're not even sure she knows you or hears you. But it's still all worth it for the faint smile you get.
Mama, I wish you could have seen my soul shining.
- never leaving your wife's bedsid for 3 months, except for the rare weekend you spend with your children or the week that you are sick and aren't allowed near her.
- making the 3+ hour drive once a week, sometimes twice, to visit your family member or friendso that she won't feel alone....even though you may only get to be in her room for 5 minutes.
- leaving in the week hours of a Monday morning when you get "the call" and packing our the ICU waiting room like doctors have never seen before. And staying there, with bated breath, continuously praying for something, anything, to change.
- reading the book of Ruth to your daughter/wife/sister/cousin countless times because it is the ONLY thing that can calm her in the late night hours when the medicine is messing with her mind.
- encouraging your wife from the other side of the curtain that she CAN go to the bathroom by herself if she prays & puts her mind to it...and then tearing up when she pees on her own for the first time
after WEEKS of hoping and praying. And immediately start making phone calls. Yes, friends, that REALLY happened and I am NOT ashamed to share it!
- describing everything you see so that your loved one can know the beauty of life when she can't see it for herself.
- inviting two small children and two teenagers into your house to make Christmas cookies and do all sorts of Christmas-themed activities because their mama is in a hospital and can't be with them on Christmas.
- recording all said Christmas activiites so that your sister can listen to them when she comes home...
never thinking she will be able to see them.
- Spending countless hours working with your patient to get her to be able to walk again, and then being able to walk out the door by her side as she leaves to go home after a long 3 months.
- sitting upright beside your wife & daughter and absolutely losing it because you never thought you would get that opportunity again.
- crying at your sisters post-op appointment when she says
"I can see your hand waving in front of my face!
I can see your WHOLE HAND!"
- putting your own lives on hold to make sure your cousin/sister/wife/daughter
gets to chemo every day for months on end
This is only just a handful of the reasons I know what love really is now.
By no means is this everything, & I'm sure I've left so many things out.
Ten months ago today I started this journey.
I'm thankful for each and every single step of the way
and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat
because it has greatly helped my family.

Monday, September 17, 2012

our weekend

I think I mentioned it in my last post, but our church was in campmeeting this week.
When I was younger, I really, really looked forward to it every year
because it always meant seeing al my friends from various parts of the country
that we were only able to see at campmeeting time.
There was always new spouses, new babies, new stories & renewed friendship.
I still look forward to seeing those old friends.
As I've gtotten older, though, I anticipate what God will do for His people.
I had my little cousin Tiffany along with my two girls this weekend
and you know I took pictures every night before church!

Night #1

Night #2

Night #3

Night #4

This years preacher
Glenn & Ruth Vollrath

My cousin Jennifer & Ruth.
Ruth's parnts pastored the church we attend for 16 years, I believe.
They were precious, precious people that have gone on to be with the Lord now.
Her mother was my kindergarden teacher and her father was the administor of our private school.

The girls had SO much fun playing with all the other children there.
Loads of memories were made.
I am sothankful they have the opportunity to make good friends!

I saw this on Facebook this morning & wanted to share.
We had services this week where the Spirit was so sweet & gentle.
Sunday morning several shared testimonies that really touched my heart.
We will never know what's in the future, which is good
but we know exactly what's in the past.
Sometimes it is such a heavy burden to bear...
but if we will just "give up, and let Jesus take over"
then the burden becomes soooo much lighte!

We got a call Wednesday afternoon that Michael's grandmother
was in ICU with congestive heart failure.
He left & went down there, and with many prayers she is at home resting now.
He got in late last night & we went to eat at a easonal restaurant
on the lake called Harbor Docks.
I hadn't been there before but the middle sis works here
and she continuously tralked about their ahi tuna.
So, we decided to give it a try -- and it was SO GOOD!
We'll definitely be going back when it opens again in April.

Look what came in the mail last week!
We'll be starting tomorrow & Sara is SO excited!
I hope ya'll had a great weekend. We are headed off to Huntsville
in a little while to spend a few day with the oldest sister to help them do some things.

Friday, September 14, 2012

more goodnews, chrch & laundry!

Hey ya'll!
We have been busy bees this week. Monday I went to the eye doctor to schedule my eye surgery for Wednesday, and he said that the mass of old blood in my left eye has moved and is going away!
Another miracle straight from Heaven. Just a few mnths ago I was told that it wasn't going to improve without surgery and even then the damage might be permanent.
 It's not 100% yet but it's pretty close!
Our church started campmeeting last night. I havemany fond memories of campmeeting time from when I was a child and a teenager. All the young girls would stay in a dorm roomand we would just have a blast. I still remeber a few of the songs and things that w made up and remember the jokes we played on each other. Now that time has passed for me (wait, are you kidding me? I'm still 16!) but my two girls ae quickly growing up and there are another four girls their age coming up with them.
I can't wait.:)
Here are the girls before church last night --
 I can't get June to give me anything less than a super chees grin these days!
I also got Sara's Kindergarden curriculum in yesterday!
I ordered the ACE curriculum, which is the same thing I did.
She missed the cutoff by two weeks, but I am going ahead and doing K with her anyway.
We thought about putting her in preschool, but with us moving around so much this year
I just didn't want to do that. I am super excited for homeschool, and so is she!
Well, I really must get off here because I have LOADS to do today.
See below for proo:

Hope ya'll have a happy Friday!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


We'll never forget.
I was so proud of our country on that day & the weeks afterwards.
American flags everywhere, Scripture signs in yards...
we praised God in the deepest valley I had ever seen.
I'm a PROUD wife to a United States Airman.
I'm proud to have dear friends who fight falong with my husband.
THANK YOU to all the men & woman who are currently in the sandbox
and many, many prayers are going out every day for you and your families back home.
This is my husband re-enlistingin front of Childrens Hospital
in Orlando, FL. June was still in the NICU there & his
leadership came down to re-enlist him.
That's part of the hospital in the background.
Talk about an emotional moment!
To my husband:
Thank you so much for sacrificingto serve our country.
I'm soooo proud to be your wife.
We're going to miss you billions when you deploy ina few months.
It hasn't been easy giving up"home"for me.
But I've learned something new...
Home is not just where my family is,
where I was born & raised...
Home is where your boots are,
where our babies are,
and wherewe can lay down our heads together.
It's all been worth it
every step of the way.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

lots on my mind

I have not blogged in forever.
When I'm on the "on" month of chemo, I just don't have time.
I want to do a "day in the life -- chemo edition" on my next round.
It's seriously --
wake up, get the girls ready & drop them off at the sitters,
rush to chemo,
sit there for 4+ hours,
pick up girls,
force myself topick up and make supper and do the night routine
crash into bed.
The first week is never that bad.
 The second week I'm a little tired.
The third week I am really run down.
The fourth week I feel like an 18 wheeler run me over,
backed up, and ran me over again.
(I'm not dramatic or anything!)
Plus, some of my medications counteracted a couple weeksago
and I passed out in Hobby Lobby.
WHY it had to happen in just about the best store int hew hole world
I will NEVER know!
All is well now.An ambulance ride to the hospital and several test later,
I was sent home to rest. But don't these people know I have two small children?
What is restthey speak of?
But I finished this round last Thursday and I am back to blogging.
I will have an eye surgery in a couple weeks more on that later)
and we have campmeeting coming up soon at church,
but other than that, I'm back to blogging.
I have soooo much I want to blog about!
New recipes, sewing, updates on the girls, my crazy super curly hair,
and I plan to do some deeper blogs,
talking about what I experienced while I was in the coma.
You know, you really can hear people sometimes.
It's all fuzzy and jumbled and I didn't understand
why someone was praying over me and crying...
but you can hear.
And because no post is complete without a picture
here's my sweet Junebug sleeping with me the other night.
I love that precious little girl so much!