Thursday, March 12, 2015

I Went Away Full, and Came Back Empty.

Have you ever felt like you have lost so much from a certain event in your life?
To the outside peering in, you had it all, but yet you felt you  still didn't have enough?
Still didn't have inner happiness?
 It was always seemingly just out of reach.
Your arms were continuously outstretched, hands displayed, trying with all that was within you to reach the ever-unattainable goal. And while you were striving to reach what you THOUGHT was your mark, you were actually sliding backwards. Further and further away you slipped, until  said goal was only but a small, distant memory and a glimmer on the horizon.
I came in full, but He brought me out empty.
A few years ago, that was me. How did I overcome? How did I find the inner happiness I was so avidly searching for?
God blessed me with leukemia.
Yes, I said God. And yes, I said blessed. And I said it brought me inner happiness and peace.
Because when God gave me leukemia, I found God.
For many years, I ran from God.  Then, for many years, I altered what Ithe Bible said to fit what I wanted to do and how I wanted to live at that time. I found a church that practiced these same "beliefs" and "standards" so that I could essentially do what I wanted to.
You can't do that. That's not Biblical. And I believe it's playing God.
The Bible is not open for debate or up for negotiation.
You can't pick and choose what you want to believe in or obey.
It will catch up to you, I promise.
It's black and white. Sin is sin.
However, that doesn't give us the right - as Christians and humans - to judge.
I find it ironic how folks always say, "God is love! God is love!"
Yes - He is. He is love. But He's also just.
He is the only Judge that will ever matter.
I'll stand firm in my beliefs and convictions, whether that be doctrine or personal.
That weeping, sad, urgent voice of someone I I love dearly, who was desperately seeking God on behalf of my lvery life,  filtered through my coma-laden brain and because of it...and because of God's never-ending mercy and grace...
I found God, and I am full.
Ruth 1:23
"I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again empty."

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