Too blessed to be stressed

The past few days have made me really stressed. Being in this tiny room doesn't help at all, either. That's not to say I'm not thankful for the Ronald McDonald house and those who have helped make our stay here possible. Let's start with an update on June Claire:

-- They think the reason for her elevated white blood cell count is because she has an eye infection. They realized this a couple of days ago and started her on antibiotics for it.

-- She has a UTI, which they began antibiotics for today.

-- She had her breathing tube removed and is on a nasal CPAP (NCPAP). She struggled for a while last night with her oxygen saturation and was struggling with it a bit early this morning, as well. She switches back and forth between the NCPAP (the "second step" -- in laymans terms -- of the three "steps" of the ventilator) and the nasal cannula. They put the nasal cannula in when she needs a break from the NCPAP mask. She tolerates it for very short amounts of time (just long enough to give her little face a break from pressure), but not for extended time periods.

-- Her pressure is at 5 cm, down from 7 cm the other day and 6 cm yesterday. This is good. Her oxygen level is 28%, which is pretty dang good considering normal room air is 21%.

-- They repeated the head ultrasound on Wednesday and we got the results late Thursday night. This showed that her IVH has slightly increased in size. Not what we wanted to hear, but definitely not the WORST news ever. They will repeat the ultrasound next Wednesday, and depending on what it shows will determine the next step.

-- June is at her max feedings (19 cc's) for now. She is tolerating them really well. She just needs to gain a little more weight before they can increase them any further. She is fed every 3 hours through a feeding tube. She was 2 pounds 6 ounces a birth, 1 pound 15 ounces at one week, and 2 pounds 1 ounce at two weeks, and 2 pounds 3 ounces today (two weeks and three days).

-- And now for the cute news -- I was able to hold June skin-to-skin last night! She snuggled right up against my chest and slept the whole time. Oh, how I LOVED it. I can't even begin to express! So as the nurse was laying her back in the isolette, she laid her on her belly. Well, I guess miss little June Claire doesn't like to lay on her belly -- because she tucked her knees up under her, propped herself up and flipped over to her back! She was whining and grunting the whole time she did it, too, as if to say...."I mean to tell you I do NOT want to be laid on my stomach! Good grief!" I was stunned! I said, did she for real just turn herself over?! The nurse told me that wasn't the first time she's done it! And while she doesn't seem to mind the tubes being in her, she does not care for the wires to be laid on her. I watched her twist and turn and grunt and fidget until she knocked her feeding tube wire off of her chest last night. She does spitfire things like this so often that the nurses have all dubbed her "Miss Fiesty".

Now imagine that -- seeing a full term baby flip over is one (very adorable) thing -- but watching a barely-two-pound baby the size of the length of a Barbie doll do it? Totally another! I guess I just automatically assumed that since she was so early she wouldn't have her own personality, but BOY was I WRONG! And how ironic that I was just commenting to Michael early yesterday morning that the name "Sara" reminded me of a calm, peaceful personality -- and that's pretty much what Sara is. She's full of energy, but she's sweet and kind and snuggly. And then I said that "June" reminds me of someone spunky. Well, I guess I was right!

The news that really put me in a depressed mood was that a couple we had met here -- their daughter was born also at 27 weeks, 3 days after June -- their precious, sweet girl passed away at 7 PM last night. I did not see the mother, but I met the father last night as he was coming out of the hospital and I was going in and he told me the news. This daddy was absolutely tore up. He was shaking and crying and just looked horrible, as you can well imagine. In NO WAY do I mean to take away from their grief, but I had just spoke to the mother yesterday morning and she had said their baby girl was doing okay -- "stable but critical" which is what June's doctor and nurses tell us all the time. I am scared to death. You think they're doing okay but you never really know. Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. She was their first and they are about my age (25ish). I can't even imagine.

Now for the "too blessed" part. So after feeling very down and having the devil fight me over and over again for the past 2 or 3 days, we walk in and find a little purse filled with all kinds of goodies for me for Mother's Day (thank you, volunteers!) and a STACK of mail! So many wonderful, encouraging cards from our friends and family. It's like Christmas when we walk in the door and find cards waiting for us. Seriously, ya'll don't even realize. And the best part? Someone I don't even know purchased June's Angel from the embroidery company, prayed over it and sent it to us! We'll be putting it on her isolette. My baby has so many thoughts and prayers going on for her all over the country. I know I can name England, Japan, Turkey, and all over the US right off the top of my head. Prayer chains have been started for her all over. And *I* think *I'M* stressed? NO! I am so blessed -- WE are so blessed!

(Sorry for no pictures. I promise they will come in the next week!)