Monday, June 14, 2010

Now Let Us Have a Little Talk With Jesus

I know I haven't updated in about a week or so. I'd like to apologize, but quite honestly -- my time has been spent either with Sara, trying to keep her occupied and feeling loved; or with June, trying to miss as few moments as I have to. I have come to the conclusion that there is no "me" time, and there is no "us" time in this season of our life. And I'm okay with that. Because I have two beautiful girls to show for it. :)

June is making amazing strides. Saturday she was moved out of her isolette and into her crib!! Praise the Lord! Saturday also started the process of weaning her off the cannula. Saturday she was turned down to 2.5 liters of pressure, Sunday she was turned down to 2.0 liters, and today she was turned down to 1. This also means she is no longer on a high-flow cannula. They are hoping to be able to put her at .5 liter of pressure tomorrow, and then....she will be off oxygen. I am so thrilled, but so very nervous at the same time. She's had all this help for so long and now it's her turn to be a big girl and do it alone...and mama is scared to death!

She also had her first bottle on Saturday. She took 5 mL's that day from the speech therapist. Michael and I took turns sitting in with her and watching. Later that night is when she was moved to the crib. Sunday she took 15 mL's AND I was able to put her to the breast for the first time. She really just nuzzled in but did latch on once for a couple of sucks. Then she fell asleep. :) Today she took 20 mL's and I put her to the breast again, but again...she fell asleep. It's okay, though. She is only 4 pounds and is not the strongest girl on the block. They decided today she can go up to 2 bottles per day, so Michael will be going over at the 9 PM feeding for that. When she masters 2 bottles per day, then they'll go to 3...and then 4, which is every other feeding.

I feel more like she is MY baby now. I can go in her room, change her diaper, change her clothes, pick her up when I want, etc. and I couldn't do that before. Getting her out of the isolette with all of the tubes, wires, IVs, etc. was a huge process, and it really wore her out. It's really nice. :)

Wednesday is a big day for her -- she'll be having her fourth head ultrasound to determine the extent of the damage from the brain bleed. One of two things will happen -- either they will be okay with everything and there will be no treatment, or she will need to have a shunt placed. They would do that surgery in the near future and then do a second surgery closer to age two to lengthen the coils. We have placed it in God's hands and we will be happy with either outcome. Please keep us in your prayers, that we will have calm peace and understanding no matter what the results are.

We are also facing some huge decisions right now, and would like your thoughts and prayers. Last night I was having a particularly hard time processing what needs to happen and what doesn't need to happen, and that hymn popped into my head...

"Now let us have a little talk with Jesus, let us tell Him all about our troubles. He will hear our faintest cry, and He will answer by and by. Now when you feel a little prayer wheel turning, you will know a little fire is burning. You will find a little talk with Jesus makes it right."

Well. I'm pretty sure my cry wasn't very faint last night. It was loud. It was frantic. It was stressed out. It was even demanding. Forceful. I NEED God to move. I NEED to know what to do. But -- the answer will come. We still have a few days before the decision has to be made, and I'm confident He will provide an answer in the perfect timing.

"I may have doubts and fears, my eyes be filled with tears. But Jesus is a friend who watches day and night. I go to Him in prayer, He knows my every care. And just a little talk with Jesus makes it right."

I have had sooo many doubts and fears and troubles these past seven weeks. My family has sort of fallen apart since we've been here. Britni had sweet Hadlei, and my heart longs to be there to comfort them. To bring her some juicy gossip magazines, her favorite Starbucks drink, to bring some bright colored daisies, and most of all just to hug her and tell her Jesus is there for her. Then my cousin, Michael, who is as close to a brother as I will ever have, is having heart issues. He was hospitalized last weekend and they had to do a heart cath. All I could have done was sit in the waiting room, but that's better than nothing! My little sister was taken to Birmingham and put in the hospital because of her seizures. I wanted to visit her. And many, many other things...I just miss home. It is just hard. But Jesus has me here for a reason, and I need to be patient and ride this season of life out.

Also, I wanted to give you an update on Hadlei -- she had the first heart surgery and was off the bypass machine within hours! What an answered prayer that was! She remained stable for those few days. On Saturday (I days are a little mixed up) they closed her chest back up (they had left it open, with a shield placed over it -- you could see her heart beating!) and she had a hard time with it. I believe Britni was called in a few times. As far as I know, she is stable for now. Hadlei is a fighter. She is such a strong little girl! I know that God gave her to Britni for a reason...I don't know what that reason is, but one day we will know. She loves that baby so much, I can hear it in her voice when she talks about her. I ask that you continue to pray for Hadlei as she heals and faces the next round of treatment. Pray for strength for Britni and her mother, stepfather, and sister as they board this roller coaster ride called NICU life.

I apologize for the lack of pictures -- I'm in a rush, trying to get back over to the hospital, but I will make another post tomorrow with lots of them. I promise. :)

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